


Standing In

by faggyandy



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Adoption, Families of Choice, Family, Family Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Injury, Sickness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-25
Updated: 2017-08-25
Packaged: 2018-12-19 17:32:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11902686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faggyandy/pseuds/faggyandy
Summary: While sitting at her ill sibling's bedside, Camilla decides that her siblings will not grow up without knowing a mother's love. Xander has to face his own complicated feelings about family when a riding lesson goes awry.AKA Xander and Camilla learn to act as stand-in parents to save their siblings loneliness and a lost childhood.





	1. Mother

**Author's Note:**

> I always felt like there is a lack of fan content between the Nohrian family and Corrin as a family instead of shipping. There is a really interesting dynamic between them and their older siblings that should be addressed more often. Particularly between Corrin and Camilla. I tried to use what I've read of her supports (though it's not much) and mixed it with my personal headcanons. Alexis is about nine in this story and Camilla is seventeen.

Camilla briskly walked down the corridor leading to her precious little sibling’s room. On the outside, she looked composed and in control but her heart was hammering in her chest in fear for the child on death’s doorstep. She arrived at the northern fortress as fast as she could when she heard Alexis’s illness had relapsed and this was the worst fit yet. She did not care about the duties her father assigned to her nor the countless missions he was going to send her on, Alexis was more important than all of them. She’d be damned if she let her father keep them away from her.

Her hand hovered over the doorknob to her room. She was scared of what she might find when she opened the door. What if they had passed when she was on her way to the fortress? Could she stand seeing white sheets pulled over her dear sibling’s head as a priest recited Naga’s final prayer? Her shoulders shook in fear as she slowly turned the knob to enter the room.

She let out a breath of relief when she saw that they were only sleeping, oblivious to the world around them. The room was empty which bothered her knowing how sick the child was. What if there was an emergency? Would anyone be able to reach them in time to save their life, or would they die alone, without anyone knowing? She walked up to their bedside and brushed their short sweaty brown hair out of her face. Alexis looked terrible. they were flushed from high fever which made so much heat radiated off of them that Camilla could feel it just by being near them. Every breath they took, they wheezed; their lungs filled with fluid and mucus. It pained her to see them like this, so ill that they could barely breathe.

She took the chair from the desk and sat it next to their bedside. Reaching into the basin for a washcloth that sat on the nightstand, she wrung the excess water and placed the cool rag on Alexis’s forehead. They sighed in relief and she cupped their bright pink cheeks in an affection she couldn’t help. She watched as their eyelids fluttered open and look at her with glazed ruby eyes.

“C-camilla…?” They rasped, their voice faint and broken, nearly impossible for her to hear.

“Yes, dear. I came as fast I could when I heard you were ill again. Don’t worry, I’m not going to leave until you are better.” She said gently, stroking their face with her cool fingertips. They leaned into her touch, desperate for any kind of coolness.

They practically purred in pleasure before their eyes fluttered closed again and fell into unconsciousness. Camilla frowned deeply, adjusting the blankets and sheets that were twisted around the child from their feverish thrashing. They were prone to vivid nightmares when they were ill and would screech and thrash in their sleep to point she would have to wake them up so they wouldn’t hurt themself. She watched as their brow furrowed in their sleep, shaking in fear at some deeply rooted trauma that only they knew. She wished she knew what was going on inside their head so she could at least alleviate some of the pain of that they were going through. But every time they woke up, the memory vanished like a dark cloud that would resurface unknowingly some time in the future.

“Father..? Father, stop! What are you doing? Don’t hurt me!” They whimpered, their voice panicked and wavering like a frightened bird.

Camilla’s heart broke upon knowing all her sibling’s pain was caused by her father. What had the man done to them? Her anger and sorrow boiled inside her at every scenario that she thought of. Even the most horrid were possible knowing her father.

They tossed and turned in their sleep, before jolting right up and coughing so violently that a small spray of blood stained the blankets they laid under. They gasped for air, tears running down their scaly cheeks. Their slitted pupils were dilated in terror as they stared off into nothing; shivering as if there was a cold breeze, though the windows were tightly shut and a well-tended fire burned in the fireplace.

“H-he was going to kill me.” Their voice hollow and terrified, Camilla didn’t know how to respond.

Her hand reluctantly moved to touch their back, they flinched violently before recognizing it was not a threat. She moved to sit on the bed and picked up the shivering child to sit in her lap. She ran her fingers through their hair as they shook, holding them firmly to her chest.

“It’s just a nightmare, Alexis. It’s not real. You are okay. No one is going to hurt you.” Camilla cooed softly, rubbing circles into their back.

But was it really just a nightmare? She couldn’t help but have doubts that her father wouldn’t do such a thing. Alexis was so scared of older men that they would snarl and bare their teeth like a cornered animal whenever they came close to them. She couldn’t imagine the things that her younger sibling have gone through, she couldn’t help but be glad that they had little memory of their early childhood.

She felt Alexis start to relax and lean into her embrace. Their head laid on her chest, their eyes half lidded in exhaustion. Their breathing was more even, and their heart no longer pounded in their chest. She started to hum a tune that she knew that would often work when it came to putting them to sleep. Alexis’s eyelids fluttered closed and they finally stopped shivering. The song was an old Nohrian lullaby that her mother would sing to her when she was a young child before she had been executed for treason. It was one of the very few things she remembered about her mother and now she used it for her “children”.

" _You must go where I cannot,_  
_Pangur Bán 'Pangur Bán',_  
_Níl sa saol seo ach ceo,_  
_Is ní bheimid beo,_  
_ach seal beag gearr._  
_Pangur Bán 'Pangur Bán',_  
_Níl sa saol seo ach ceo,_  
_Is ní bheimid beo,_  
_ach seal beag gearr._

 _You must go where I cannot,_  
_Pangur Bán 'Pangur Bán',_  
_Níl sa saol seo ach ceo"_

 __She__ finished the song and knew that they were asleep. She adjusted herself so they were laying down, adjusting the blankets so  that they were around they're shoulders. Alexis’s breathing was soft and clear, no longer halted and congested like it was before. Exhaustion tugged at her eyelids, but she knew better than to surrender to it. She could not sleep until she knew that they could make it through the night. She tucked their head under her chin, holding them close to her as she could. She could hear them mumble something in their sleep as they curled into her for warmth. She strained her ears to hear it but her heart stopped in her chest when she realized what they were saying.

“Mother.”

She took a shuddering breath and looked down at the child curled up next her. She knew that she acted like a mother to her siblings and would sometimes think of herself as one, but she never thought they actually considered her one. A small tear ran down her cheek and she smiled ruefully. She had hardly known her mother at all. The woman was killed when she was barely five years old. She was one of the many king’s handmaidens who came to replace Queen Katrina when she passed away. Her mother was quiet and soft-spoken, a simple village girl from the upper highlands of the country. She was accused of conspiring to kill young Prince Xander so Camilla would take his place as heir by the other handmaidens, yet she knew that was all a lie to get her out of the line of succession. She watched with horrified eyes as her dear mother’s head was cleaved off by the guillotine in Windmire’s biggest square.

From then on, she did everything to persevere herself even if it meant taking the other children’s lives. She and Xander have done things that they weren't proud of. Her dagger had slit the throats of those too young to even talk. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t scrub their blood off her hands. Finally, the madness had ended when her father married Queen Arete and the handmaidens were dismissed. The last child to be born was her dear sister Elise who she knew could finally live in peace. She tried to absolve her sins by being the mother her siblings would never have since they had been abandoned by their real one, but deep down she knew that it would never make up for the things she’s done.

She sighed to herself and kissed the top of her sibling’s head. She might not be their mother, but she’d be damned if she let them grow up without one. She would protect her siblings' lives as if they were her own children. She would cleave her blade through any who would dare harm them. She would even defy her father for them. She would give anything take away the pain that they were in, but for now, all she could do is just hold them and hope they made it through the night.


	2. Father

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a lot longer than intended it to be. I went overboard with the horse scene since I use to ride when I was younger and after being thrown off way too many times, I quit because it's flipping terrifying being thrown off a horse. I still handle livestock so I used so my personal knowledge on animal behavior when it came to this chapter. Xander is twenty-three in this chapter and Alexis is thirteen.

Xander watched carefully as Alexis approached the horse, his hands clutched the reins of his own horse in a subtle action of anxiety. This was to Alexis’s first riding lesson and he was still slightly reluctant to let the teenager ride alone. Sure they had been on a mount before, both with him and Camilla, but the teen was often loud, rowdy, and excitable which would frighten most horses. He couldn't say no to them when they begged him to teach them to ride on their thirteenth birthday. For years all they could talk about was wanting to ride and have their own horse. They dug through the library on every source they could find about riding, horse care, and everything equine in nature. He’d go out to the stables with them and feed the horses sugar cubes and carrots, all while they chattered on to him about their vast knowledge of horse trivia. Their passion is what made him smile and couldn’t bear squashing it because of his own fears.

He watched for his horse, Caspian, as Alexis moved to mount their horse. The horse was a young Frisian colt that was bought especially with Alexis in mind. From what he’s seen, the horse was not easily spooked and had a sweet disposition, a good first mount for his sibling. Alexis approached the animal slowly, making sure to stay in its field of vision and not to move fast enough to scare it. They reached her hand out to the animal, allowing it to sniff their hand and not see them as a threat. The horse relaxed and bumped its muzzle against their hand, they smiled and pet its nose gently, glad for their new friend. Xander smiled gently, reminiscent of the day he first met Caspian, and the bond they forged that day. The teen was adamant about becoming a paladin like him and they were clearly on the right track. Nothing was more important than the trust and bond between a paladin and their horse. 

He watched as they swung themself into the saddle, and held the reins in their hands, a confident smiling plastered on their face. They looked as if they knew exactly what they were doing, even though they obviously didn’t. This was what he was worried about when they first asked for lessons, they were cocky and headstrong and would often ignore orders if they thought they knew better. He was just glad he got them to wear a helmet despite them protesting that Camilla and he never wore one which he countered with that they had been riding for years and they had only ever been a passenger. They often jumped from one thing to another, only focusing on the things that interested them. The dangerous flashy stuff like cantering, fighting on horseback, or jumping was what they really wanted to learn; not the important fundamentals like posting, learning to communicate and understand your horse, and just learning how to control him. They preferred blaze into it head on, which would undoubtedly end in injury. 

“Alexis, before you get-” Just as he was about to give his first instruction, he was cut off by their excited voice.

“So when do I learn to fight on horseback? Or when can I learn to canter and gallop? Can you show me all the cool maneuvers you do in battle!” They questioned excitedly, nearly bouncing in anticipation in the saddle.

“Now, hold on a second. Why don’t we learn how to actually get the horse to move first, then we can go from there.” Xander said, reining in their enthusiasm a bit. He watched their face drop, and grumble something under their breath. 

“To get your horse to move, give them a verbal command and lightly tap them with your foot.” He instructed, clicking his tongue and tapping the horse in the side with the tip of his riding boot.

Caspian obeyed diligently and broke into a relaxed walk. Alexis parroted his motion only instead of lightly tapping the horse in the side, they full on kicked it. The horse’s eyes widened and it flew into a panic, Alexis gripped on its neck for dear life as the horse ran around the courtyard, all while Xander rubbed his temples in frustration.

“I said to tap the horse gently, not kick it. Horses are sensitive and need to be treated gently or they think you are trying to hurt them. Now try to calm them down and try again.” He explained levelly, moving to stop the horse and grab ahold of the reins. 

Alexis sat in the saddle, bewildered for second before shaking their head and moving to pet the horse’s neck. They muttered a few comforting things to the animal, before getting it to relax and try again. This time they were more gentle and the horse broke into a casual walk, plodding along as Xander rode at their side. 

“So how do I get to move faster?” They said, already bored. 

“You need to be able to control your horse before you change gaits. But if you want to go from a walk to a trot, you say ‘trot’ and tap it again with your boot.” He said, commanding Caspian to trot and going into a posting trot. 

“But what about a cantering or galloping? When are you going to trot on a battlefield? I want to learn to fight on horseback so I can keep up with all of you guys. I can’t do that if all I know how to do is walk and trot.” They whined, frowning at Xander as he pulled the horse to a halt and back into a walk.

“You need to be patient, Little Princet. You must learn how to post during a trot and control your horse before you can move on to faster gaits. If you do it abruptly, they will be harder to control and you could fall off. You need to learn the basics.” He stressed, looking the teen sternly in the eye before transitioning to a trot.

They grumbled and begrudgingly did as they were told since arguing with Xander was like talking to a brick wall, once he has made up his mind there was no way to change it. For the rest of the lesson, they followed his instructions exactly though with less enthusiasm than they had before. It was until the end that they started to get antsy.

“I think I got this whole posting trot thing down. Can I please try a canter, Big Brother? Please?” They said giving the biggest puppy dog eyes they could. He looked less than amused.

“You have only been doing it for an hour. You still jerk the reins when he ever slightly slows down. The horse is tired and so are you. If you keep pushing him, then he’s going to throw you off. Let’s call it a day and I can teach you it tomorrow. Besides, it’s almost tea time and Jakob gets cross when we let it run cold.” He said, getting down on from his horse and looking at them expectantly to do the same.

Instead, they glared at him, remaining seated in their saddle. They then turned their head and urged the horse to go. First breaking into a walk, then a trot, and he watched in disbelief as they broke into a canter. They struggled to control the speeding horse as the animal keep running faster and faster. 

“Alexis, get off the horse now! You don’t know how to control a fast horse yet! You could hurt yourself!” Xander yelled after them, rushing over to them as the reins flew out of their hands. 

The horse panicked as they held onto it’s neck for dear life, bucked and whinnied as they screamed.

“Xander, how do I get off? I’m scared to let go!” They yelled as the horse made an abrupt stop, sending them flying several feet in the air, landing on their arm with a sickening crack.

“Alexis, are you okay? Are you hurt?” Xander called, as he rushed to where they landed. 

Their hair was covered in twigs and grass, their breeches were torn and dirty. They clutched their injured arm to their chest, their eyes filled with tears. Their knees were skinned and bloody along with the friction burns on their hands from the gripping the reins. They looked terrified as it had all happened so fast. He approached them carefully as he would an injured animal. They sobbed violently as he kneeled next to them and held out his hands so he could look at their arm. They winced as he examined their arm, whining in protest as he pressed on their wrist. 

“It looks broken. You need to go to the infirmary to get it set. Can you walk or do you need help?” He said gently, as they shook with sobs from the pain. 

“N-no! I-I don’t want to go there! E-every time I go there bad things happen!” They whimpered, their eyes wide with fear.

Xander felt his heart sink, upon remembering his sibling’s intense fear of healers. They would often break into terrified screaming and panic attacks every time they had to have contact with them. Often someone would have to hold them down or even knock them out or else they would bite them if they came close to them. He hated exposing them to something that caused them so much fear and pain but what else was he was supposed to do about their injury? 

“Alexis, you need to go. You need to get your arm healed or it won’t mend properly. I’m going to be with you the entire time. You aren’t going to be alone.” He said calmly and gently as he could.

The teen whimpered in protest, as he gathered them gently into his arms, making sure not jostle their broken wrist. He motioned at the attending servants to deal with horses who looked to their masters in curiosity. He made his way up the castle steps as servants looked to the pair with concern, Xander paying no mind to them. He walked briskly to the infirmary, Alexis howling louder and louder as they got closer. He kicked open the doors as resident healers looked at him with surprise and irritation until they noticed the sobbing teen in his arms.

“Prince Xander, what happened to Lairde Alexis?” The lead healer said as he ushered him to lay them down on the bed. Xander tried to pry them off of him, but they just clung onto him tighter, crying harder until he gave up and sat on the bed.

“There was a riding accident and they were thrown off their horse. From what I have examined, their wrist is broken and needs to be set.” He said, his tone serious and commanding, a shocking departure from the soothing gentle one he used when he was trying to calm his sibling.

“Can you get them to hold out their arm so I can treat it?” The healer asked, moving closer to Alexis who burrowed deeper into Xander’s chest into an attempt to get away from the healer. 

They bared their fangs as he reached out for their arm, shivering in utter terror. Xander tried to get them to calm down by muttering some comforting things to them and rubbing their back, only having them sob harder in response. 

“I don’t think I can. They're terrified of healers, they always been.” He said apologetically, the healer gave him a flat look before moving to their medicine chest to gather some herbs and grind them down with a mortar and pestle. They placed the herb mixture in his hand and looked at him expectantly.

“That mixture is poppy and Valerian root which will sedate them enough for me to treat them. Just get it down their throat and they’ll relax in a few minutes.” The healer said a matter-of-factly, before moving to gather supplies for the procedure. 

Xander looked down at the teen curled up in his arms and swallowed thickly. He had no idea how he was going to go about doing this. He took a deep breath and cleared his throat to get their attention.

“Alexis, I need you take this medicine. It’ll make the pain go away and make it easier to treat your arm. Can you take it please?” He asked them gently, their red-rimmed eyes looked up at him, pleading with him to give it back to the healer.

“Big Brother, please no. The medicine makes me fuzzy in the head and sick to my stomach. I just want to go back to my room.” They pleaded, Xander’s heart froze in his chest as he considered what he would do next.

“Can you promise to cooperate and do as the healer instructs? If not, then you must take the medicine.” Xander looked at them and saw the slight nod of their head

They held out their arm to the healer and winced when he took a hold of it. They thoughtfully examined it, pressing hard on the bump where the broken bone protruded. They cried out in pain as fresh tears rolled down their cheeks.

“It’s a pretty nasty break. It’s going to take alot of healing magic to properly mend it, even then it will still take at least a few weeks to be functional. Once I’m done, I’m going to splint it and put it in a sling.” He explained, before getting out his healing staff and waving it over the wound. 

Alexis screamed as their bones moved and shifted to repair itself. They thrashed violently, Xander held Them still the best he could. He pressed their head into his shoulder so they wouldn’t have to watch the grotesque scene of their bones trying to mend themselves. They shook violently in pain and all he could do was rub their back and tell them it would be over soon. After several minutes the soft green healing magic subsided and he felt Alexis release their grip on his shirt as they slumped over his shoulder in exhaustion.

“Such mending spells usually take a lot out of those who receive them. All the magic does is speed up the body's healing process and usually, takes up a lot of energy. They’ll fall asleep soon and will be starving when they wake up. Otherwise, their fine.” The healer reassured him, moving to splint their forearm and wrap it up in bandages then setting it in a sling. 

Their breathing which was once ragged and short with fear was now relaxed and level with sleep. Xander got up and adjusted them in his arms, walking from the infirmary to their room. He placed them down on the bed and pulled the covers to their chin. He pulled up a chair to sit at their bedside and pulled out the tactics book he had been studying out of his pocket, proceeding to read it. After reading a few pages, he heard a knock on the door. He walked silently across the room and opened the door slightly to reveal a nervous sweaty servant boy with white hair tied back in a ponytail. 

“Alexis is asleep right now and I’d prefer that they get their rest. They suffered an injury today and need to recover. Come back when their awake, Jakob.” He said quietly, moving to close the door in his face.

“Wait, Lord Xander! I don’t mean to intrude but I assumed you guys would be hungry since you skipped tea. I brought some leftover sandwiches and pastries for you and Lairde Alexis when their awake. I hope they feel better in time for supper.” Jakob said nervously, holding up the plate with food on and placing it into Xander’s hands. Xander looked blankly at the plate in his hands and back to Jakob who had an anxious smile on his face.

“How thoughtful of you, Jakob. Thank you for thinking of us. Now, you are dismissed.” Xander thanked him politely before closing the door softly behind and going back to his chair.

He set the plate on the nightstand and picked a fruit tart from the provided food. He nibbled on it thoughtlessly, looking out at the overcast grey sky that lay out beyond the window. He couldn’t help but think about the day’s events and how much they differed from his childhood.

He had been alone his whole life. He didn’t have a loving family member or friend teach things, he had cold calculating tutors and instructors who taught him until he’d advanced too far for them to teach him anything he didn’t already know. He did not have someone hold him and comfort him when he was scared or hurt; instead, he would have to wipe the tears from his face and limp to the healers himself, biting back screams of pain as they set his injuries. He had to be brave for his country and father. The only memories of love or comfort were that of his mother. He remembered scraping his knees as a young child and crying when he saw the blood rise from his cuts. His mother gathered him into her arms and went to heal the wounds herself, she was the best healers in the country after all. She had died of an illness when he was three years old and had very little memories left of her.

His father had never been the affectionate or emotional type, all he got was harsh criticism and backhand on the cheek when he did something the man saw as wrong. He would look to him and frown at the shy stuttering boy who was much too awkward and meek to be the next heir to the throne. Xander drilled himself in sword techniques until his fingers bleed and blistered, collapsing from exhaustion. He would study for hours on end until he fell asleep at his desk and have ink smudges on his face. He molded himself into the son his father wanted him to be even if it meant being alone. He had lost his childhood to be someone his father and country would need to lead them out of the dark. 

But now he felt he needed to be the person who gave his siblings the childhood he missed out on. He didn’t want them to be alone as he had. He wanted them to know someone was going to be there to pick them back up again and dry their tears instead of suffering in silence as an act of false bravery. He wanted to let them know he was proud of them for who they are and they didn’t have to break themselves to be someone worthy of his love and affection. They had it regardless of anything. 

His father was a cold and unloving man, frigid and cruel. As much as he wanted to believe he loved his children and wouldn’t dare harm them, there was a small thought in the back of his mind that he would kill any of them if given the chance. He wanted to protect his siblings from that reality. He must stand in and be the loving parent they needed desperately because obviously, his father didn't have the courage to be that person. As he looked at Alexis’s sleeping face, he knew he must protect and love them in the best way he knew how. He kissed their forehead and brushed their hair out of their face, going back to his book as the world went on with its burdens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alexis is heavily ADHD-coded because I have ADHD and it's almost obligatory for me to write at least one character with ADHD in any fandom I am in. I headcanon Xander as a huge animal lover being especially fond of horses. Often shy and traumatized kids are drawn to prey animals such as horses because they have empathy for them. I think the soul reason Xander became a paladin was so he could have a horse. He might be great with horses but he sucks at naming them.


End file.
